You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
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So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
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I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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