do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
