A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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