The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
