dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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