"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
