I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
