pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
