she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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