So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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