pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
