...so i touched it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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