We won't sleep together?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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