sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
