Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was like getting head from an anaconda
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
