I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
