Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
