She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
