i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
