see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
