Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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