drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
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I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
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My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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