i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
