The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
