Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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