quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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