Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
