A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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