i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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