i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
