i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
