i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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