I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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