Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
