Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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