he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize