thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
