2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
