I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
