Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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