i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
