Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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