My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
