I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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