oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
