Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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