I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
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I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
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I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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