Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
