forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
