Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
