It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
