Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
