I just threw up on my dentist
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
They took my balls.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I want to be your penis for a week.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
