Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
how drunk are you?
Several
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
