dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
