Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
