yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
