my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
