Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
