so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
