Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
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And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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