I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
