Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
