when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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