Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
