Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
