I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
