I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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