I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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