Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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