I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
