Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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