I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is Oprah even human
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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