If i come over, it means nothing
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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