Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
and you fell through a lawn chair
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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