Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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