my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
