we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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