I need help removing her.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Randomize
