her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
