remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
